


put life on shuffle

by luhaens



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Multi, might get steamy later, not enough 2youngjae, what is this even, word vomit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-15 04:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3434279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luhaens/pseuds/luhaens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>park jinyoung is a man of practiced routines on repeat, until two people hit the shuffle button.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. O1

park jinyoung was no different from a robot.

 

park jinyoung's everyday life seemed to be no more than a programme chip inserted into a machine on auto-run. he had a schedule imprinted at the back of his mind, simultaneously incorporating the day’s schedule formed by his secretary, and he would unconsciously follow through the routine everyday. that was about all it was to him, a programmed robot. _almost._

 

it wasn’t as if he was forced, it was more like he had nothing better to do with his life.

 

a man of routines and filled schedules. to park jinyoung, life was routine constantly on repeat. a tracklist running with an abused repeat button.

 

**_play._ **

 

mornings were waking up at six thirty sharp to the sound of his alarm, then dragging the tired body to the bathroom to wash up. by seven sharp he would be fully awake, standing in the kitchen making breakfast. he would finish breakfast by seven fifteen, and wash the dishes by seven twenty. by seven thirty, he would have dressed and worn his shoes. at seven thirty he would scan himself through the mirror by the door and say "good morning jinyoung", plaster a small well practiced smile on his handsome face and left the apartment by seven thirty five sharp.

 

afternoons were a tornado of cheerful greetings by his employees, saying no to well intentioned lunch dates, and scanning and signing whatever papers his secretary yugyeom handed to him. occasionally, he would go to meetings and that was the end of the afternoon routine.

 

at nights, he would come home to a hot dinner, prepared by the housekeeper, which he would finish by eight and would clean up by eight ten. at eight fifteen he would open his kitchen cupboard and pop one pill from the each small container into his mouth and down it with water. he would watch and read news reports until nine thirty and at ten sharp he would fall into listless sleep.

 

everything was planned and calculated to the very second.

 

_**repeat.** _

 

park jinyoung was empty.

 

a human was what he looked like but a shell, that was all he was. park jinyoung had dazzling visuals but his eyes were full of emptiness, void of all emotion. park jinyoung was a porcelain doll, beautiful, but cold, hard and empty.

 

like a porcelain doll, he was also fragile, but strong and hard. hammer the nail in the right angle and he would break. just like that. it wasn't as if he had anything to spill anyway, park jinyoung had been emptied of all emotion a long time ago. his heart was cold, a wall of ice built around it with chains surrounding it secured with a lock. his wrists were imprinted with icons, a key and a sun decorated the inside of his left wrist and a pair of wings on his right, all a shade of a dark grey.

 

_dead._

 

park jinyoung was not always this way.

 

he had a childhood, one full of smiles and laughter, fun and excitement.

 

one full of love.

 

when park jinyoung was two, he learned to write with his right hand, shaky characters scribbled over his practice books in a hurry to go outside and play.

 

when park jinyoung turned three, his wrists felt like they were on fire. it stung. on his wrists three symbols marked his pale skin, a key and a sun on his left and a pair of wings on his right, all glowing in pale yellow. his mother had looked at him adoringly and said, "these are your soulmates. whoever shares the same symbols as you is destined to be by your side forever." only, his had been plural, his other friends singular.

 

park jinyoung wasn’t outcasted. he had many friends, all of which had at least one soulmate. many people looked up to those who had two soulmates. it meant that the heavens looked favorably upon you. it was a gift from the heavens, a blessing. park jinyoung was a social butterfly, he knew everyone in his school. he was popular.

 

three year-old jinyoung had an outcast in his class. the boy sat at the farthest corner in the room and didn’t interact with anyone. rumours say that he didn’t know how to write.

 

when park jinyoung turned three, his mother explained the mysteries of the soulmate theories.

 

"these symbols only appear after you learn to write, jinyoung-ah. your master hand will be marked with your symbol, the other with your soulmate's." but jinyoung didn't understand why he had two on his left.

 

"it simply mean you have two soulmates. you're very lucky, jinyoung-ah. some don't even have one," his mother explained sadly. she had kissed the marks and stroked them with the pad of her thumb. two months later, his mother died. it was on his mother's deathbed when he realised, she had no soulmate.

 

when jinyoung's father found out that he had two soulmates, he was very angry. his son was unusual, abnormal and he was disgusted. he was jealous. he and his wife and no soulmates, but now his son had two. it only fueled his anger when his wife was taken from him. he had to do something.

 

when park jinyoung turned five, he was in pain. his wrists bled and his heart hurt. not a single day passed that jinyoung wasn't screaming and bawling, not a single day went by without pain. there his father stood by the door, watching jinyoung cry in pain. his hand gripped tighter around the clear cylinder he was holding. the cylinder had no label, but the grey pills inside had revealed its identity.

 

bond suppressants.

 

at twenty one, park jinyoung takes his health supplements just like any other adult. at eight fifteen sharp in the evening, he would open his kitchen cupboard and pop one pill from each small container into his mouth and down it with water. in his kitchen cupboard stands a clear cylinder with grey pills, a cylinder with no label. his father would send him a monthly supply and jinyoung would finish them dutifully without questions.

 

park jinyoung, a successful business man at twenty one, had no clue that his father was supplying him bond suppressants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading weee i'm a bit rusty, it's been a long time since i wrote but i hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> please leave comments and kudo and whatever~
> 
> on a side note: i love soulmate aus


	2. O2

at seven thirty five in the morning on a rainy day, park jinyoung had tripped over a lump of flesh lying at his doorstep. his face was marred with an ugly frown as he shifted the body with his foot. upon seeing the face of the body, a wave of familiarity washed over jinyoung. “must’ve been someone from my past life,” he muttered as he pulled a wad of cash from his wallet and stuffed it into the clenched fist of the somewhat familiar stranger. his eyes randomly swept over the stranger’s wrist and locked on a symbol, glowing in yellow.

a sun.

he tore his eyes away from the man and checked his watch. shit. he was late. kunpimook was going to tease him all day now.

at twenty one, park jinyoung wasn’t very different from what he used to be in the past. sure, he had a heart of ice but somehow, jinyoung didn’t know how, three people had managed to worm their way into it and settled down. he was popular, he had friends, even if they could be quite annoying. of all his friends, he liked yugyeom and mark the most. they were quiet and obedient and they didn’t question his actions. jinyoung didn’t know if they were afraid of him but they might as well be. after all, he was the one in control of their salary. kunpimook, on the other hand, was a troublemaker. he made fun of jinyoung, even when his salary was being threatened.

“live a bit, hyung!”, was what he said one time while playfully punching jinyoung in the arm. jinyoung had to exercise self-control to keep himself from strangling the smaller boy. yugyeom wouldn’t appreciate it, after all, soulmates share the same pain.

park jinyoung lets his guard down a bit when he’s with his friends, drifting further away from the person he was groomed to be.

just like he predicted, kunpimook went crazy over the fact that jinyoung was just three minutes and seventeen seconds late for work. jinyoung let out a frustrated sigh as he walked into his office and sat in his chair.

"jinyoung hyung finally got laid!" kunpimook's squeaky voice echoed in the hallway as he burst into jinyoung's office, followed by yugyeom and mark.

"how did it feel? did you top or bottom? i bet you bottomed, didn't you? how are you feeling now? is it sore? ho-" his endless questions suddenly stopped when mark ruffled his hair. kunpimook never liked people messing up his hair. well, maybe all except yugyeom. he shot mark a look before turning back to jinyoung. before he could shoot his questions again, jinyoung held up a single finger, "nope. the only sore one here would be your sorry ass."

kunpimook chuckled, "well i must say you're right." yugyeom's flushed a dark red. jinyoung rubbed his face and shooed them all out of his office, despite kunpimook's protests.

"you better tell me more later or you'll get it from me!" jinyoung rolled his eyes, "the only thing you'll be getting is yugyeom so shoo."

as soon as they were out of the door, jinyoung let out a sigh of frustration. he eyed the neat stack of paper work on his desk and sighed again. he better get started or he'll never finish.

he did manage to finish in the end, though barely. when the evening came, all jinyoung wanted to do was chill. but of course, life doesn't give you what you want. when he step foot into the house, he realised he wasn't alone. it was dark in the apartment but jinyoung could see the lines of a bulky figure on his couch, his head tilted awkwardly. he made his way over to the couch, taking small, careful steps so as to not wake the man. using force, he pushed the stranger’s head with his index finger.

"wha- i know b-boying! stay away!" the figure put his arms out in a defensive manner. jinyoung let out an amused chuckle, "i'm sorry for spoiling the fun but this is my house, if you haven't already realised that." the man looked around slowly before turning back to his defence posture.

"i- i know martial arts, don't test me!" sighing, jinyoung reached for the light switch behind the man, "now take a good look."

"bri- bright! my eyeballs," he moaned as he covered his eyes with his hands. jinyoung took in the man's appearance. he looked like the one on his doorstep earlier today. he groaned. "aren't you from earlier today? who are you?" jinyoung questioned tiredly. "look. i'm tired. it's been a tiring day, and i'd appreciate it if you just left. what do you want from me? money? food? a place to rest? i don-"

the stranger screeched and his eyes widened impossibly, "excuse me?! what do you take me for? a beggar? i have a place to return to, okay?" he huffed angrily. jinyoung sighed tiredly and rubbed his face. he opened his mouth to speak when the other man held up a single finger.

"listen here park jinyoung," he spat his name in distaste and jinyoung’s eyes narrowed. _who was he to call him by his full name?_ the stranger clicked his tongue, “are you listening to me?”

not even waiting for jinyoung to answer him, he continued, “a successful businessman aren’t you? all these success stories about bringing our country to success and maybe, a presidential candidate? we’re all happy for you son, really. well, most of us anyway,” the stranger dragged the last syllable while observing jinyoung. when his eyes rested on jinyoung’s wrist, he scoffed and snatched the wrist to look closer at it. jinyoung felt self-conscious all of a sudden and pulled his wrist back.

“what are you doing? who are you? i don’t care, get out of my house now, don’t ever come back again,” jinyoung said, voice dropping scarily low. the man just shrugged and turned to walk towards the door.

“i’m im jaebum, thought you’d like to know. this is not the last you’ll see of me. by the way, although i really appreciate it, i don’t this. bastard.” jaebum, jinyoung finally had a name to put to his face, reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of cash and threw it backwards, towards jinyoung’s general direction and left. jinyoung rubbed his face frustratedly, and picked up the roll from the floor. _huh, not a dollar less_ , he thought. he loosened his tie and slumped into his couch. jinyoung lifted his wrists and inspected it. it was smooth, there were no marks and jinyoung wondered what this jaeum was looking at.

-

as soon as he shut the door, jaebum scratched his scalp and leaned on the door. he sighed. this was going to be harder than he thought. why did the heavens have to appoint him such a difficult person? _well, at least he was really good looking,_ he chuckled to himself and sighed. jaebum looked towards the ceiling.

_bond suppressants, huh?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! so! i kind of rushed this chapter, it's like 11:15PM where i live and my eyeballs are burning. uh so if you spot any mistakes in the chap or you don't understand anything don't hesitate to ask! i'm sorry if the chap gave off a bit of a comedy feel(?), especially jaebum's eyeballs. i usually write crack. so that clears everything up. keep kudoing and commenting! i love y'all! weeee~ did i not mention anything? oh yeh, i love youngjae to bits. it's lights out for me, but for y'all who just started your day or are in the midst of your day, have an awesome day ahead! 
> 
> until next update!


	3. O3

waking up to the sound of rain somehow reminded jinyoung of his meeting with jaebum. jinyoung sat up on his bed and stretched, sighing as he felt the kinks in his muscles ease out. the digital clock hanging on his wall read eight twenty nine, one minute to the start of his routine. saturdays were work-at-home days. the routine was similar to that of weekdays, just that work was done at home and it was pushed back to start two hours later. 

jinyoung slid out of bed and walked to the bathroom, his feet making light tapping sounds against the cold marble floor. washing up was a breeze and soon, jinyoung was searching his kitchen for breakfast but there was nothing suitable for breakfast. he sighed and decided to head out for breakfast. 

at nine fifteen, jinyoung stood at his open door, frowning at a familiar figure lying at his doorstep. he kicked lightly at the body and let out a sigh of frustration. he carefully stepped over the body and was about to walk away when a hand grabbed his ankle. jinyoung slowly turned around and saw the body stretching and yawning, still grabbing on to his ankle. 

“please let go of my leg,” jinyoung said, trying to wriggle his ankle out of jaebum’s death grip. jaebum yawned and rub his eyes sleepily. 

“will do if you buy me breakfast,” he mumbled, obviously not in the right state of mind. 

“no. why should i? we’re strangers.” jinyoung pointed out dryly, to which jaebum pouted. 

“after last night, i thought we’d be closer than strangers, something like friends.” jaebum yawned. 

“more like strangers,” jinyoung muttered while looking down at jaebum, who still held a tight hold on his ankle all this time. he tried again to shake his ankle free but to no avail. jinyoung took a deep breath. 

“fine, but you’re leaving after that, back to where you came from.” jinyoung said with a sigh of irritation. jaebum grinned widely and nodded his head eagerly. he stood up and brushed the dirt off his clothes. 

“i want chicken!” jaebum chirped after when they were in the elevator. jinyoung rolled his eyes. it was too early in the morning for childish bickering. 

“you don’t get a choice,” jinyoung said when the elevator doors opened. jaebum ignored him and grabbed jinyoung’s wrist. jinyoung let out a shout of protest as jaebum pulled him towards the direction of a fried chicken outlet. jinyoung rubbed his face and groaned in frustration. 

they sat at a table near the window with a bucket of chicken, paid by jinyoung. jaebum sank his teeth into a juicy drumstick and let out a moan of satisfaction. jinyoung felt his eyelid twitch in irritation at the sight in front of him. jaebum looked up, noticing that jinyoung wasn’t eating. 

“eat up man,” he said, gesturing at the bucket.

“i don’t eat chicken for breakfast,” jinyoung replied, to which jaebum laughed. 

“really? and you used to say you could live on chicken all day long. ah, the good ol’ days,” he chuckled fondly. jinyoung’s eyes narrowed. feeling jinyoung’s glare on him, jaebum gestured at the bucket once more. 

“better eat up or your stomach is going to eat itself.” jinyoung looked at the chicken uncertainly, before picking up a piece and taking a bite. jaebum raised his eyebrows, as if asking jinyoung if he liked the taste. jinyoung merely shrugged his shoulders, showing no more reaction to jaebum’s silent question. 

contrary to his lack of response, jinyoung felt like he was in heaven. it had been too long since the last time he tasted chicken, and he almost lost himself in the taste. 

-

"am i supposed to know you?" jinyoung asked when they finished the chicken. jaebum nodded his head, eyes trained on his phone. he hesitated before speaking again.

"we were childhood friends, but i doubt you remember any of your childhood." jinyoung frowned. 

"why not?" 

jaebum slouched further into his seat. "do you remember when you were three, there was this kid in your class who didn't know how to write? the one who sat in the farthest corner of the classroom? the outcast?" jaebum said tiredly. he hating reminding himself of his past. 

jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut. he vaguely remembered a scene like that in his childhood. his face scrunched up as he tried to search further into his memories but they stopped there, like an interesting scene in one of kunpimook's many dramas suddenly switched off. 

jaebum sighed. jinyoung hadn't changed much, he still would shut his eyes tight when he thought hard. he wanted to reach out and smooth out the wrinkles in between jinyoung's eyebrows but he held himself back. it'd be awkward if he tried. 

"don’t try too hard," he warned lightly. "you might end up losing more memories." he rubbed his eyes tiredly. jinyoung let out a puff of air and put his head in his hands. 

"why can't i remember?" jinyoung asked, voice muffled by his hands. he felt jaebum pat his right arm lightly. 

"don't worry, it takes some time." jaebum comforted. jinyoung nodded as he stood up from his chair, it was about time he left anyway. jaebum stood up with him and followed jinyoung out of the chicken outlet. 

"thanks for your company," jinyoung said. jaebum said nothing in reply, he only continued to follow jinyoung. jinyoung sensed his presence from behind and turned around to see jaebum still following him. 

"shouldn't you head home?" jinyoung asked. jaebum looked at him weirdly. 

"but i am going home. we stay in the same apartment building. you didn't know?" he tilted his head to the left. jinyoung scoffed. 

"my hallway isn't your house." 

"yeah, it isn't." jaebum nodded puzzledly. jinyoung groaned and continued walking in the direction of the apartment building. 

the pair took the elevator up to jinyoung's floor and walked together to jinyoung's apartment. jaebum lifted his hand to wave at jinyoung halfheartedly before walking up to the apartment next to jinyoung's. 

"see you, neighbour." jaebum winked at jinyoung's direction before disappearing into the apartment. 

-

when he was in the safety of his own apartment, jinyoung groaned. he could feel a headache coming; partially because he couldn't believe his memory had failed him, partially because he had drifted away from his schedule. no wonder jaebum looked familiar, jinyoung recalled the first time he met jaebum outside his door. but if jaebum was his neighbour, why would he be camping outside jinyoung’s door? 

he glanced at the clock hanging on his wall. shit, he thought. it was close to eleven now and jinyoung was running way behind schedule. he made his way to the kitchen and opened his cabinet and took out his mealy dosage of pills and painfully swallowed them. he slouched against the wall and sighed. at least he felt more composed now, after taking his pills.

all of a sudden, jinyoung stood straight and any trace of emotion disappeared from his eyes. he took a deep breath and walked into his study, the door slamming shut behind him. 

-

next door, jaebum was sighing. he knew the situation jinyoung was in any better than anyone else, one of his close friends had been under the spell of bond suppressants before and jaebum knew that jinyoung’s situation was harder to cure because he started taking them at a young age. 

“youngjae? baby?” jaebum called out. a tuft of blond hair peeked out from their study before the sound of books falling onto the floor was heard. 

“eek! just a second jaebum!” the said man chuckled. poor youngjae was so clumsy at times. he walked into their study and helped to pick up the books. 

“how many times do i need to tell you, don’t stack the uneven ones together, don’t stack the files unevenly.” jaebum scolded the blonde lightly. youngjae giggled as jaebum used a finger and pushed his head lightly. they finished stacking the books properly and stood up to brush the dust of their clothes. jaebum wrapped his arms around the other’s waist and pecked his cheek. youngjae giggled again and they stood in the study, youngjae’s back against jaebum’s chest, rocking gently from side to side. 

“how was jinyoung?” youngjae asked quietly. jaebum sighed and youngjae patted his hands gently. 

“it’ll be alright,” youngjae whispered. he glanced at the digital display on the wall. 

“jinyoung would be taking his pills about now,” he spoke softly. he felt jaebum hum against his neck and suddenly, a wave of pain washed over the both of them. youngjae gasped and he felt his wrist sting and his pulse became faster. jaebum’s arms tightened around youngjae’s waist as he felt his heart tighten. he dropped his head to youngjae’s shoulders and panted. youngjae’s squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his wrist burn. 

the symbols on their wrists glowed dangerously as the pain lasted for a few more minutes before it dulled out. they both let out a large puff of air and panted heavily. jaebum watched as the symbols’ glow slowly faded into pale yellow. it lasted for a while before one of the symbols turned black, the color spreading slowly from its center. youngjae looked at him with watery eyes and held out his wrists, the symbols mirroring itself on his. jaebum let out a tired sigh. 

on his and youngjae’s wrists, in place of the soft yellow glow, was a dull pair of wings inked in black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ellu~~ i'm sorry this took longer than it was supposed to, i had to rewrite the whole chapter /sobs/ had some shit writer's block and a lack of brain cells. i literally cracked my brain and risked my ass getting whooped by my parents for staying up too late to generate ideas. i basically live in the wrong timezone, it's almost midnight when the ideas hit me /groans/ but anyways, youngjae has appeared! /hi my name is youngjae, how are you?/ 
> 
> thanks for reading! please leave lots of kudos and comments! have a wonderful day ahead! love y'all!!


	4. O4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for my soulmate (AHA), my best friend, the no.1 fan, the chief editor and adviser, [fruitKiwi](http://www.wattpad.com/user/fruitKiwi)

“youngjae? i’m heading out, okay?” jaebum called from the door as he held on to the strap of his training bag. youngjae ran out from their shared room and crashed into jaebum, his arms snaking around the taller male’s waist. “bye!” he squeaked. jaebum chuckled and patted the top of youngjae’s blonde head.

 

“remember your meals, don’t wait up for me,” jaebum smiled and pecked youngjae’s lips. youngjae nodded. “stay safe!” youngjae hollered after jaebum as he left the apartment. youngjae pouted as he closed the door. he padded into their shared room and sat down on the bed. he stared at the wall opposite him, photo frames lined up neatly on the wall. his eyes zoomed in on one picture.

 

two young boys standing side by side, grinning widely with their arms around each others shoulders. youngjae stood from the bed and gently unhooked the picture from their wall. he traced the outlines of the boys faces lightly with his finger and let out a fond smile. he flipped the frame over and at the back of the frame wrote, “im jaebum and park jinyoung! forever!” youngjae let out a sad sigh as he hung the frame back.

 

he glanced at his clock. it was soon to be seven in the evening and youngjae was already starving. he headed to the kitchen and looked into his fridge. _ah what to cook tonight?_ he scanned his fridge, and his eyes landed on the bag of tomatoes lying on one of the shelves. he picked the bag off the shelf and shut the door of the fridge. they had been lying on the shelf for a few days now, might as well cook them before they turned bad. _spaghetti it is_ , youngjae thought.

 

youngjae was not the best cook, but at least whatever he cooked was edible. jaebum had told him not to cook for his dinner, so youngjae only took out ingredients enough for a person’s share. he reached down to the drawer under the stove to take the packet of raw spaghetti, his eyes flittered to the inside of his wrist. _would jinyoung have eaten?_ youngjae scratched the back of his head and sighed. might as well, if jinyoung didn’t want it, jaebum could eat it the next day.

 

half an hour later, two lunchboxes sat on the dining table in jaebum’s and youngjae’s shared home. youngjae picked the two boxes up and grabbed his keys before leaving his apartment for his neighbour’s. as he stood outside jinyoung’s house, he nervously combed his hair back with his hand. he raised his arm, fist poised to knock the door. youngjae remained in that position for a while, as if frozen, before retracting his arms back. he wiped his sweaty palms on the fabric of his grey bermuda shorts and took a deep breath before raising his hand to knock on jinyoung’s door. it was only six seconds after that youngjae garnered the courage to knock on the door.

 

jinyoung was standing in his kitchen when youngjae was outside his door, nerves getting the better of him. he stared into his freezer, his eyes slightly bloodshot from his work. a soft knock echoed in his empty house and jinyoung wondered who it was, in his mind wishing it wasn’t im jaebum again, but his heart hoping it was jaebum that was standing outside, with warm food in his hands to fill jinyoung’s empty stomach. jinyoung peeked into the eyehole, his heart falling a bit that the figure outside wasn’t anything close to im jaebum, but at least the person was holding what seemed to be food. he pried the door open gently, eyes carefully scanning the boy in front of him.

 

“how can i help you?” jinyoung asked curtly.

 

“hi!” the blonde boy squeaked, voice cracking halfway. his brows furrowed cutely as he cleared his throat. “uhm, hi,” he tried again. jinyoung nodded impatiently.

 

“my name is youngjae, i’m jaebum’s,” youngjae hesitated for a while, jaebum’s warning to not reveal himself as jinyoung’s soulmate too early ringing in his head. jinyoung tapped his foot impatiently and made an action to close the door on youngjae.

 

“hey! wait! i’m sorry, i got a bit distracted. i’m jaebum’s housemate, youngjae. uh, jaebum told me to make you dinner as a peace offering?” his tone raised at the end, making the statement seem more like a question. youngjae mentally slapped himself for making up such a crap reason. jinyoung raised his brows, easily seeing through youngjae's attempt of  _peace offering_ , but nodded his head at the lunchboxes in youngjae’s hands.

 

“what’s in there?” jinyoung asked. youngjae timidly replied a soft “spaghetti” at jinyoung’s question. jinyoung sighed. he wasn’t exactly in the mood for any italian food but he was starving. he opened the door wider to let the blonde boy in. youngjae gave jinyoung a small grin before stepping into jinyoung’s simple home.

 

the first thing youngjae noticed about jinyoung’s home was that it was bare. everything was basic and plain, monochromatic colors painted every inch of the house, unlike youngjae’s and jaebum’s messy but colorful and homey-feeling living area. it only made youngjae miss his home, which was only a door away from jinyoung’s, and made jinyoung appear more distant than before. his fingers itched to doodle on jinyoung’s empty wall. there were no decorative items on any of jinyoung’s shelves in his living room and youngjae was suddenly thankful for the small items lining the edges of their shelves that jaebum insisted on buying when they first moved in.

 

jinyoung cleared his throat, making youngjae tear his eyes away from jinyoung’s bare walls. “kitchen’s here,” jinyoung nodded his head in the direction of the said area. youngjae nodded furiously in embarrassment because he was openly checking out jinyoung’s walls and quickly walked into the kitchen. he set down the two boxes on the table gently and asked jinyoung for utensils because he didn’t find a need to bring two sets of utensils when his neighbour obviously had some too.

 

both jinyoung and youngjae settled down and inhaled their dinners quietly, an air of awkwardness quickly surrounding them. youngjae timidly looked up from his dinner, observing jinyoung silently from his seat. his eyes landed on jinyoung’s wrists, which were scarred with three icons, like tattoos. he felt a tugging sensation in his chest and quickly shifted his eyes back to his dinner.

 

jinyoung looked up fast enough to see youngjae averting his eyes back to his dinner. he felt a small tingling in the depths of his stomach and his heart started to beat faster. he eyed youngjae suspiciously, did he feed jinyoung anything weird? but then again, youngjae seemed too innocent to do anything harmful.

 

youngjae looked up to see jinyoung staring at him. he blushed unconsciously and lowered his eyes. who wouldn’t, especially when it was a man as good looking as jinyoung? youngjae shifted his eyes to jinyoung’s empty lunchbox and made a move to retrieve it. he quietly kept the lunchboxes as jinyoung put the utensils in his sink.

 

“do you want anything to drink?” jinyoung asked, already reaching into his cabinet to get an extra cup for youngjae.

 

“yes please, water will do.” youngjae accepted the warm mug of water with both hands as jinyoung turned around again, opening another cabinet where he kept his supplements. youngjae sipped his water silently as he watched jinyoung pop pill by pill into his mouth, including the little grey pill that caused much pain to both him and jaebum, and downed them with water afterwards. youngjae clenched his teeth, bracing himself of the next few minutes of predicted torture, only to feel nothing but a slight buzzing on his wrist. he looked up to see jinyoung staring down at him and youngjae felt small under the other man’s stare.

 

mustering his courage, youngjae looked right back into jinyoung’s uncaring eyes. he swore he saw jinyoung’s pupils narrow and back straighten before a bead of sweat rolled down the side of jinyoung’s face. he observed jinyoung breathing hard and his fists clenching and unclenching by his side. youngjae felt that something wasn’t right with jinyoung, something wasn’t right with the suppressant. youngjae wasn’t feeling the pain, jinyoung was.

 

“hey, uh, you alright? do you want to sit?” youngjae asked softly, pulling a chair out for jinyoung to sit.

 

jinyoung slumped into the chair youngjae had pulled out for him and breathed deeply. he focused his eyes to the tiled floor of his kitchen. this was weird. he had never experienced this pain before, this numbing, prickling sensation. his chest felt tight and his head felt like it was being split open. his wrists stung and burned, like they were on fire, but the skin was cool to touch.

 

jinyoung didn't know if it was his eyes that were playing tricks on him, but he saw a yellowish light flash on the inside of his supposedly bare wrists, his left flashing brighter than his right. it was a blink at first but it slowly became constant, the yellow coming and going faster than before.

 

all of a sudden, jinyoung could breathe, the tightness in his chest no longer there. his entire being felt relaxed, at peace, like a weight was taken off his shoulders. he looked up and saw youngjae crouched in front of him, a cooling sensation pressed against his neck. youngjae’s worried eyes met jinyoung’s blank stare and jinyoung felt warm, like when he was embraced by mother when he was younger. only this time there was no mother, only youngjae and the cool sensation he felt at the back of his neck.

 

“hey,” youngjae started gently, “you feeling better?” his eyes were so sincere, jinyoung felt like he could drown in them. he managed a small nod and shifted his line of sight to his wrists. the yellow was definitely still there, glowing softly with light ticklish feathery touches. jinyoung noticed youngjae’s right wrist glowing yellow too and he opened his mouth to say something but a pulse ran through his body, cutting him off.

 

and then, he was falling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> elluuuu~~ i hoped you enjoyed this! this hit me like a truck one day after i had an emo talk with one of my friends, so i apologise if this chapter is rather emo/angsty but i hope you enjoyed it all the same! 
> 
> (hello everyone, my name is (tweh) youngjae, how are you?) 
> 
> AHA couldn't help myself sorry! on a side note, i'm heading to korea in a few days for two weeks! of course i'll keep writing there because i bet there's where the inspiration hits me the hardest (that's where the oppas lie anyways)
> 
> please leave many many kudos and comment! have a great day ahead!


	5. O5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to [SilentRay](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentRay/pseuds/SilentRay), whose soulmate!aus sparked the start of this.

youngjae watched as jinyoung slumped forward in his chair and he rushed to hold him up, the ice pack he was holding falling to the floor. he supported jinyoung’s limp body with one arm, the other flying to jinyoung’s neck, checking for pulse. when he felt the soft beat of pulse against the pads of his fingers, youngjae let out a relieved sigh.

with much effort, youngjae turned his body and piggybacked jinyoung. he didn’t know which room was jinyoung’s but the layout should be rather similar to his and jaebum’s apartment so he opened the first door and was greeted with white walls and a blue ceiling. youngjae saw the queen sized bed lying in the middle of the room and immediately rushed over. he put jinyoung down as gently as he could, although still causing jinyoung to land with a soft thud. youngjae looked at jinyoung sprawled haphazardly over his sheets and sighed. he took a deep breath and shifted the body to a more comfortable position and pulled the covers over jinyoung’s sleeping body.

                                                              

youngjae huffed as he stood up straight again, feeling a dull ache in his muscles when he stretched. lack of exercise, as jaebum said once, while poking at youngjae’s soft arms. he took the chance to look around jinyoung’s room.

 

it was almost as bare as his living room, basic and plain. there was a table at the side of the room, beside the full length window. papers littered the surface of the table, there was a small photo frame at the far end of the table, almost non-existent. he gently picked it up, nose twitching slightly at the thin layer of dust on it. he squinted to get a better look at the picture.

 

there was a lawn and a mansion with elaborate gates, three people stood on the lawn, wide grins on their faces. a woman and a man, their arms around each other lovingly. and there was a boy, which youngjae assumed was jinyoung. he gently traced the face of the young boy with his index finger and giggled softly, thinking back to the picture he saw in jaebum’s photo frame. jinyoung never grew old, except the wrinkles that would sometimes form on his forehead.

 

youngjae glanced at the digital display in jinyoung’s room and his eyes widened. he dashed out of the room and snatched his lunchboxes and keys from jinyoung’s kitchen before skidding to a stop in front of the door. youngjae side-eyed the notepad and pen on the coffee table and made his way over to scribble a note on it. he tore the paper off the pad and tiptoed into jinyoung’s room and placed it on the pillow next to jinyoung’s head before scurrying to jinyoung's main door as quietly as he could and back to his apartment. 

 

-

 

jaebum pushed open the tinted glass door to his studio when he felt a muscular arm snake around his neck and tighten. he rolled his eyes and gripped tightly the arm and twisted it and turned his body to lock the arm behind the bulky body.

"ah! ouch! damn it jaebum chill!" a husky yelp escaped the man. jaebum chuckled and let go of the arm, patting lightly on the shoulder. "then you should also know better than to do that every time you see me, jackson."

jackson pouted. "but i thought we were bros," he whined. jaebum made a face, wrinkling his nose.

 

"i don’t know how your soulmate is going to survive that," jaebum trailed off, waving his hand in circles around jackson's face. jackson punched his friend's arm hard.

"i'll have you know i'm very adorable okay!" jaebum grimaced in pain and swiped at the air in front of jackson. "i still have a class to teach, you know?"

"apparently you didn’t think i had one too when you twisted my arm," jackson deadpanned. jaebum gave jackson a look that was almost sorry, if not for the small smirk on his face. jackson rolled his eyes.

"come on man, we got classes to teach."

-

jaebum turned the knob of his studio and stepped in, dropping his bag at the corner of the dance studio near the speakers. he clapped his hands together to garner his students’ attention.

“alright guys, let’s stretch and then we start our fun, okay? let’s go!” jaebum clapped his hands together again to signal the start of their stretching session. while his students were stretching, he picked up a file and a pen from the top of a speaker and quietly marked the attendance of his class.

“sorry i’m late!” a head of pink burst into the studio, strands of hair sticking onto his sweaty forehead. jaebum faked a scowl before breaking out into a grin. “it’s okay, yug. we just started stretching.” the pink head nodded and walked to the side of the room, where the lockers were. he punched in his locker code 226, a pinkish tint forming on his cheeks as he dropped his bag into the shelf and gently turned the knob shut. he stood at the back of the room and did his own stretches, muttering something about someone keeping him back from lesson.

jaebum’s eyes swept across the floor and observed his students’ stretching. “alright, that’s enough. let’s start from the basics and then we head hard.” he plugged in his phone into the bass speaker and played a track. “okay, basic legs. here we go, in and out, and in and out,” jaebum swung his legs to the beat of the track, the others following him.

for the next three hours, jaebum was pretty sure the class had never did more windmills in their life. the class bade their goodbyes to jaebum and left one by one, leaving jaebum alone with a certain sweaty pink head slouched against the wall, panting. jaebum unplugged his phone and checked to see if there were any messages left behind by youngjae. finding none, he packed his bags and grabbed the studio key off its hook and walked towards the door.

“hyung! don’t lock me in, i’m still here!” jaebum spun around towards the direction of the voice and saw his best student still sitting on the wooden floor.

“oh geez yugyeom, if you didn’t say anything, you’d be here until tomorrow!” yugyeom rolled his eyes dramatically.

“like hyung would ever leave me here till tomorrow.”

“yeah, but i can’t wait to see kunpimook's reaction to yuggie’s missing presence and how he’ll definitely kick jaebum’s ass to another galaxy where there’s no youngjae to cuddle with. on the other hand, without yuggie, i’ll have no one to talk bad about jaebum with so,” the voice dragged the last word after finding two pairs of eyes trained on him.

“hey jackson,” yugyeom chuckled.

“you punk-” jaebum growled and reached out to grab jackson by his short cropped hair.

“ah! ouch- hey! it fucking hurts! ah-AH! what would youngjae say about thi-IS! call the police! ow ow o-OW!” jackson cried, pitch rising higher and higher every time jaebum “accidentally” tugged at his roots harder. yugyeom’s fingers itched to record the entire scene so that he could send it to youngjae. his hyungs fought like children, and cats and dogs.

when jaebum finally let go of jackson’s hair, jackson felt that his hair grew at least 2 inches but his reflection told him otherwise. he massaged his roots gently, flinching slightly when he went over a sore spot.

“if only youngjae was here, he would have cried if he saw his favorite hyung get bullied by his soulmate.”

“oh get over yourself. if youngjae was here, he and yug would have left me to kill you.” jaebum retorted. jackson put a hand over his heart and whimpered dramatically. “i thought we were bros, man.” he faked a sob and wiped his non-existent tears and jaebum gave him the finger. jackson chuckled lightly and mouthed a “love you too” back at him.

“are we done with the drama and catfights? can i go?” yugyeom asked carefully. jaebum picked his bag and studio keys off the floor and slung an arm over yugyeom’s shoulders. jaebum looked at yugyeom. “yeah let’s go. come on puppy, you too. off we go-” he choked.

jaebum felt all air leave his lungs like he was being strangled and he grabbed at his throat, inhaling hard through his mouth trying to breathe and pump his lungs back to life. he felt two pairs of hands rubbing his back soothingly and he shut his eyes. he saw stars at the back of his eyelids and felt a small warmth on his right wrist.

the feeling remained for a while before jaebum’s eyes flew open, an electric pulse running through his body. he could breathe again, that’s for sure but the warmth on his wrist was spreading and he felt it. his eyes moved to his wrist and sure enough, youngjae’s symbol was glowing brighter than before. there was something unusual about it though. it was as if the glow of youngjae’s symbol had enveloped jinyoung’s inert one as well. jaebum took a look closer at his wrist and the image left him speechless.

on his right wrist, youngjae’s soul symbol was glowing happily, spreading warmth on jaebum’s wrist. also on his right wrist, for the first time in his life, jinyoung’s soul symbol was shining. it wasn’t bright but it was there, a tad bit shy but its existence present. it gave jaebum hope, a light at the end of the pitch black tunnel, that maybe one day jinyoung would join him and youngjae, that maybe jinyoung would finally keep his seventeen year long promise to a forever with jaebum.

“dude, you okay?” jackson asked, concerned. jaebum looked at him with dazed eyes, “yeah.” he looked back to his wrist and saw jinyoung’s soul symbol glow brighter. _youngjae._

“youngjae. home. i’m heading home.” jaebum announced and sprinted out of the studio. “lock up for me!” jackson looked at yugyeom.

“it’s you and me, bud. ice cream?” to which yugyeom nodded his head excitedly. jackson kicked jaebum’s studio keys in the other’s direction. “lock up. i’ll see you at the front desk.” he walked out of the room to fetch his own bag from his office.

-

jaebum had spammed youngjae’s phone with calls and messages, worried about the younger’s safety, but received none in return. he entered his apartment building and ran to the elevator, jabbing the button impatiently with his finger. his eyes averted to the door his left which led to the staircase and back to the elevator. the elevator doors opened with a quiet “ding” and jaebum immediately rushed inside, pressing the close button before the doors even opened fully. they opened again on the seventh floor and he ran out, digging his bag for his keys and shakily unlocking his door.

“youngjae? baby?” jaebum called when he entered his home. there was no response. he tried calling youngjae again, jumping slightly at the soft vibrating sound in the living room. he followed the noise and saw youngjae’s phone humming peacefully on the coffee table. jaebum scratched his head in frustration when he heard the door unlock and a burst of light came through.

“bummie? you’re ba-” youngjae got cut off as he felt two arms snaked around his waist tightly and a head buried in his neck. sighing, youngjae gently threaded his fingers through jaebum’s sweaty hair.

“what’s wrong?” youngjae asked gently. jaebum shook his head, “nothing.” he loosened his tight grip on youngjae and picked up his left wrist. jaebum’s assumptions were right, jinyoung’s soul symbols were indeed glowing. he smoothed the skin of youngjae’s wrist lightly and asked youngjae where he had been without his phone.

“was at jinyoung’s earlier, had dinner with him. i didn’t realise i left my phone behind.” youngjae explained.

“did you feel uncomfortable halfway through?” youngjae shook his head.

“jinyoung did though. he had one of our attacks earlier after dinner and fainted afterwards. i didn't’ feed him anything wrong, just spaghetti,” youngjae eyed the glowing symbols. “they appeared while jinyoung was having his attack, i saw ours on his wrist glow too.” jaebum nodded thoughtfully.

 

“did you feel anything?” youngjae whispered. jaebum nodded slightly, “had an attack after bickering with jackson.”

 

“what was it about this time?” youngjae groaned. jaebum rolled his eyes and muttered a “nothing” under his breath.

 

“you felt it and jinyoung felt it too, why didn’t i feel anything?” he whined. “aren’t we supposed to share pain and stuff?” jaebum ruffled youngjae’s fluffy hair fondly and sighed.

 

“i don't know, jae. i’ll ask jackson about it later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ellu~ i'm back! i know i promised a chapter from korea but i was too busy with packed schedules and awkward sleeping hours. so! to make it up, i wrote an extra .5k words, so this chapter has an exclusive 2k words! so my school semester starts next week, i'll be busier from now on but i'll make sure to squeeze in time here and there to write! 
> 
> have a great day ahead!


	6. O6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please bear with me, it might be slow. also, this chapter might be shit. you have been warned. but on a brighter note, finally updated.

jinyoung felt like alice, like he was falling down the rabbit hole, not knowing where he’d end up. he swung his arms frantically, scrambling to escape the dark abyss he was in, but his movements only made him fall faster. as he fell, images flashed in front of his eyes, some of which he didn’t recognise. jinyoung felt something in him burst and he choked, eyes watering slightly. he suddenly felt tired, burdened, years of expectations and stress weighing his shoulders down, pushing him down further the hollow passage he was drowning in. he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, choosing to let go for once instead of always trying to hold on.

the weight was off his shoulders and jinyoung felt light, he was breathing easily and his head was empty. it felt good, doing this for the first time in forever. he let out a satisfied sigh and grinned.

“oof!” jinyoung yelped in surprise. the surface was wet with small blades and he opened one eye. it was grassy, muddy but the sun was bright and glaring. jinyoung squinted as his eyes met with the sun’s rays. a shadow came over his face and gave his eyes shade from the sun.

“jirongie! haha, are you okay?” a voice said laughing, while offering his small hand out to jinyoung. jinyoung scrunched his brows together at the nickname. it did sound fairly familiar but nothing clicked in his mind. he reached out for the hand with much gratefulness, only to realised that he couldn’t hold it. he tried again, trying for a better grip this time but his hand had passed through the tiny hand. his eyes widened in shock as he brought his hand closer to his face, turning his hand in awe. he attempted to clasp his hands together, only to have them pass through each other. jinyoung giggled, entertained by this new find. his eyes crinkled as he shook with laughter, childish joy radiating from his grown body.

“ya! are you not going to take my hand?” the voice squeaked angrily. jinyoung looked up to the boy in shock. he had almost forgot that he was there. the boy offered his hand again frustratedly, stomping his feet in the process. jinyoung looked closely at the boy. he had straight black hair that fell past his eyes and broad shoulders.

a burst of giggles was heard and jinyoung witnessed a small boy rising from his own body. his eyes again widened, obviously not knowing what was happening or where he was. the boy turned around and looked at jinyoung. jinyoung choked when he saw the face of the younger boy, it was him.

the boy brushed his pants for dirt and turned back to face the first boy. “keke, nope.” and stuck his tongue out. the first boy scowled and stomped away. as soon as the second boy saw him walk away, he called out to him.

“ya! im jaebum!” jinyoung froze. im jaebum? he reached out for the boy but his hand passed through the boy’s small body and jinyoung immediately knew what he was. a ghost, he was invisible to anyone in this world, dimension whatever you would call it. it was obvious from the way young jinyoung looked at him, it was as if he could see through him. his hand would pass through both boys as well, which only confirmed jinyoung’s conclusion; he was a ghost here.

jinyoung realised he was still lying on the moist grass, like how landed when he fell. he sat up slowly and watched as his younger self played with jaebum’s younger self. it was weird, seeing himself from a different angle, a different age, a different maturity. the two boys eventually came back to where jinyoung was. they sat down on the grass and leaned on each other with their backs against the other. they sat close enough to jinyoung to allow him to listen in on their conversations.

“you shouldn’t have approached me,” jaebum said sadly as another kid walked pass them, sending the pair dirty looks. young jinyoung nudged jaebum’s elbow, “don’t say that! i don’t ever regret talking to you!” jaebum’s shoulders sagged even more and he sighed sadly.

“but you’re losing all your friends after you stuck with me,” jaebum’s eyes watered and he sniffed. “i’m the kid heaven hates, no bonds no soulmates.” by this time, young jinyoung had already turned his body to face jaebum’s slouched back. he raised his arm and whacked jaebum’s head down hard. the other boy spun around quickly after feeling the impact of jinyoung’s hit and sent him a questioning look.

“idiot, you don’t even know how to write.” jinyoung rolled his eyes. jaebum huffed and slapped jinyoung’s shoulder playfully. “then why don’t you teach me?”

“hmm,” young jinyoung posed thoughtfully. “next time maybe, haha!” to which jaebum pouted cutely, although the watching jinyoung was sure it wasn’t supposed to appear as cute as it had.

“you always tell me next time, but the next time never comes!” jaebum said quietly. young jinyoung nudged jaebum’s elbow again, this time softer and slightly playful.

“that’s because i have forever with you! you’ll stay with me forever right? i won’t take no for an answer!” jinyoung eyed jaebum carefully. young jaebum rolled his eyes, “i wasn’t going to say no anyway.” they shared eye contact and giggled together before jinyoung stuck out his pinky finger and wagged it in jaebum’s face.

“promise?” jaebum nodded eagerly.

“promise!” and they pinky promised that day, under the warm sun and green trees, with jinyoung to bear witness of their vow. he sighed happily as he stretched his back to lean against the tree he was taking cover under.

“what innocence,” jinyoung said out loud, knowing that no one would hear him anyway. he was invisible, after all. he sat back and crossed his arms as he looked around, absorbing the serenity of his past.

“so i did know jaebum from the past,” he thought out loud. he breathed in the smell of wet dew and tipped his head back.

 

and then he was falling, headfirst.

“ah-! a-AH!” jinyoung screamed and squeezed his eyes shut as he fell back into darkness. he tumbled a few times before landing on a soft surface. he bounced slightly on the surface due to the impact.

when jinyoung opened his eyes again, all he saw was white. there were white curtains drawn around a bed, white sheets and a bright white light. the area smelt strongly of antiseptics and sanitisers and it made jinyoung want to gag. it brought out his fear of needles and hospitals. the room was rather quiet, other than the beeping of a machine. quietly, he poked his head through the curtains and glanced around.

there was a group of people surrounding a bed, their heads bowed. jinyoung moved his eyes from person to person, but he failed to recognise anyone. he returned his spot earlier on the bed and his eyes landed to a small boy sitting at the edge of the bed diagonally opposite his. he was definitely bigger than the boys in the previous scene, hair longer, shoulders broader and height taller. the boy swung his legs back and forth in a carefree manner, eyes trained on his hands. the constant beeping from the machine was causing jinyoung’s head to pound so he laid back on the thin mattress and covered his eyes with his arm and breathed in the medicinal smell of the area.

jinyoung was sure that he was in a hospital, but how he got there, that’s the real question. he rolled onto his side approached the curtained area and stuck his head in the plasticy cloth. this time he saw a woman lying on the bed, wires and tubes connected to her body. there was a machine placed beside her bed, its monitor displaying straight and jagged lines continuously. the beeping was matched with the jagged ups and downs of the lines and it was then that jinyoung knew for sure he was in a hospital.

again, jinyoung pulled back silently and returned to his earlier position. he shifted his arm to rest on his forehead instead and he stared at the slightly off-white ceiling. there was a sense of deja-vu but jinyoung couldn’t exactly put his finger on what it was.

“jinyou-” a fragile voice choked and jinyoung sat up straight upon hearing his name.

“mama!” there was a light thump followed by the sound of hurried footsteps towards jinyoung’s side of the room. the heart monitor increased rapidly and slowly a commotion started. the young boy on the bed earlier was now being held back by an adult that rushed out to hold the young boy from dashing into the confines of the sick woman. the boy struggled against the bulkier man while calling out “mama”, the corners of his eyes watering. something clicked in jinyoung’s mind when the little boy had called out “mama”. it was as if he had returned to his four year-old self, crying out for his mother. he remembered how the bedridden woman looked when he looked in earlier and the faded memory engraved in his mind slowly turned clearer.

the curtains opened abruptly and a petite woman stepped out. “let him in,” she spoke softly but firmly.

“but-”

“let him in, he’s been in the dark for long enough.” the muscular man holding the boy opened and closed his mouth, not sure how to react. the woman opened the curtain wider and gestured for the boy to walk in. the said boy looked up at the bulky man before shrugging the grip off his own small shoulders and disappearing behind the curtains. jinyoung looked back and forth between the man and the woman, both pair of eyes piercing each other, a heightened tension in the air made more obvious. he slowly moved to the center of both people and waved his hand in front of their faces. there was no reaction from any of the two, both pairs of eyes unwavering. jinyoung shivered. it was almost as if they could see through him, eyes piercing through his soul. but then again, they could literally see through him.

he took small careful steps into the covered area and easily passed through the small crowd of people around the bed and stopped where the small boy was. jinyoung watched as the boy took the sick woman’s hand into his own and cradled it gently. his fingers smoothed out the wrinkled skin of her hand before burying his face into the hand.

the woman smiled gently as she caressed the boy’s head. she slowly opened her mouth, tongue coming out to wet her dry lips.

“jinyo-ung,” she started, pausing as she coughed violently. jinyoung’s ears perked when he heard his name being called. at the corner of his eyes, he could see the boy looking up at the woman expectantly as well. it was then that he realised that the boy was indeed his four year-old self.

“j-jinyoung, i lo-love you,” the bedridden woman choked out, her weak frame shaking violently as she coughed again. jinyoung’s eyes widened in concern as he watched his younger form feed sips of water to the woman.

“love you too, mama. when will you come home? i miss you.” four year-old jinyoung muttered quietly. the woman gave the boy a sad smile and pat the top of his head fondly.

“i do-n’t know, jinyou-ng ah. maybe nev-er.” it pained the woman to see how down her son looked as she spoke but she knew this was the only way to tell him. she was at her end, she could feel it.

four year-old jinyoung felt tears form when he heard his mother say those words. he was young, but he knew his mother didn’t have much longer to live. her illness had escalated too quickly, the virus too strong to be stopped. his mother could leave any minute now and jinyoung was afraid.

“i’m sor-ry, jinyoung-ah. be good for da-ddy, okay?” the woman let out a weak smile and gently held jinyoung’s cheek. the boy held on to his mother’s hand and nodded furiously. “be safe,” he choked out. he bit his lower lip to prevent himself from bursting into tears. he saw the woman mouth “i love you” and close her eyes before hearing the heart monitor go flat. the four year-old desperately called out to his mother in hope that she hasn’t left this world yet, that maybe she was just asleep and that she’d wake up again. but deep down the boy knew that his mother had died, that she would be sleeping forever, free and safe, away from the pains and sufferings of this world.

young jinyoung felt hands prying his grip off his mother’s wrist and pulling him out of the room. he struggled against the force, his broken cries for his mother fallen on deaf ears.

as soon as the boy was out of the room, the doctor and a team of nurses rushed in, busying themselves with administrative matters regarding the recent passing. jinyoung watched blankly as the wires were taken out after the doctor had confirmed jinyoung’s mother dead. the piercing sound of the heart monitor left a sense of loss and emptiness in jinyoung as he stared blankly at the body. it took him some time to realise he witnessed his mother’s death from an entirely different point of view. his mind kept replaying the scene where the heart monitor flatlined and the boy cried painfully, until pieces started to click in his mind. the memory was clearer now, but there were still missing pieces in the blurry image.

he unknowingly followed the group out of the ward, passing through everyone on the way. he blocked out everything else, eyes trained on the white lab coat.

jinyoung stopped as the doctor talked to a man, which looked similar to his father. they talked quietly, the doctor handing a file to the man and giving his condolences before stepping away. jinyoung shifted closer to the man and peeked into the file. a line in the file caught his attention and jinyoung squinted to see clearer.

**_soulmates/bonds: -_ **

jinyoung pulled back quickly, as if he had been stung by something. he looked to the crying boy seated at one of the benches on his far left and looked around for the doctor. realising that the doctor had moved away, jinyoung chased in the direction where the doctor had gone earlier and was led to the mortuary. he hesitated before passing through the door.

there in the center of the room lay the woman, body covered in white cloth. jinyoung slowly approached the body, his arm stretched out in an attempt to touch the lifeless body. he stopped by the side of the table where her head was and reached out his hand. jinyoung wasn’t sure what he was doing then because logic said he couldn’t touch, he was invisible, a ghost but his heart wanted so badly to touch, to feel his mother’s face, to remember.

 **  
** but of course when logic was mixed with the heart’s yearning, logic won over and before jinyoung knew it, he was down another tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i'm sorry this took so damn long. my original plans for this were so much more than i wrote. on a side note, GOT7 CAME TO MY COUNTRY BUT I DIDN'T GO TO THEIR FANMEET /ugly sobs/ (didn't go but still feeling the post fanmeet/concert depression. what is this.) school has started so updating might get slower (like it isn't already slow enough.) dreams are hard to write, ghost are hard to write, death is hard to write, transitions from dream to dream is also hard to write, why is it so hard to write. please ignore my complains. 
> 
> until next time!


	7. O7

where am i?

it was dark and a little damp. there was a small sound of sniffing coming above jinyoung. he turned his head to his left and saw the shadow of a pair of feet, toes facing him. the room was dead quiet, except for the occasional sound of sniffing and rustling. looking around at his area, jinyoung noticed the thick layer of dust above him and scrunched his nose. he strained his neck and glanced at his feet. there was a box sitting beside his feet and jinyoung squinted to see the messy scrawl at the side of the box.

**_stuff_ **

jinyoung rolled his eyes. how helpful. he carefully pushed his hand into the surface above him and pulled himself out of the dusty space. he slowly emerged from what looked like a bed and looked around. the walls were covered with light blue paint with glow in the dark stars scattered on the walls and ceiling. there was a large “jinyoung” painted in grey on the wall he was facing. he looked down and glanced down at the small figure below him.

blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders and head buried under a pillow, jinyoung could see the small figure trembling ever so slightly under the sheets. tissues were strewn everywhere on the bed, photo frames on the table turned downwards, the room had a gloomy atmosphere about it.

the door swung open and a tall man walked in. he took small steps towards the bed and carefully perched himself onto it. the sheets ruffled as the bed sank under the man’s weight. in his hands were a glass of water and a bottle of pills.

the older man gently stroke the younger’s hair. “jinyoungie, time to take your medicine,” he cooed softly. there was a shift as the boy turned onto his other side to face the other man. he propped his body up with his arms and sat up slowly. jinyoung caught a wince from the boy as he leaned against the wall.

young jinyoung reached out for the glass of water in the older man’s hands and carefully sipped on it. he watched as he took out one pill out of the clear plastic cylinder and handed it to jinyoung, who grudgingly accepted the pill with one hand, popping it into his mouth and swallowing the remaining water to down the pill with.

he handed the now empty glass back to the larger man and picked up his large bear plushie sitting on the floor beside the bed. he hugged it tightly and his body froze, as if waiting for a reaction to happen.

the sparks that flew through jinyoung’s invisible body was more than enough a warning. his body turned warm, to the extent it was dangerous. jinyoung felt as if he was on fire, as if he was going to burst into flames. his wrists felt unusually hot.

from the corner of his eyes, jinyoung saw the young boy’s wrists glowing and he immediately looked down at his own. his eyes widened as he saw the yellow printed on his wrists. he lifted his head to look back at the young boy again and the sight before him almost scarred jinyoung.

the sheets that were once white were now stained red with blood, the gentle glow of yellow against pale skin now flashing dangerously. jinyoung felt bile rise up his throat at the sight and immediately covered his mouth with his hand.

or at least, he tried to.

his hand easily passed through his head and body, like it did earlier. jinyoung felt something tug the hand and he attempted to retrieve it out from his body. it was tugged on harder and jinyoung returned the action, with equal strength. throughout this mini tug of war with the unknown force, not once did his eyes move away from the young boy in front of him.

 **  
** there was so much emotion running through jinyoung at this point of time and he found it hard to catch his breath. his head hurt and his heart felt squeezed, his throat burned at the lack of air and by this time, jinyoung found himself wheezing. it was as if the blood oozing out of the boy’s wrists were jinyoung’s strength, every ounce of energy left in him slowly flowed out. and on one particularly hard tug on his hand, jinyoung was drowning in the darkness he fell into once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far the shortest chapter ive ever written (after graduating from the 500words class on aff oops) but yeah. school sucks man, school just started a month ago and i'm already struggling sobs. 
> 
> !!!!!this is extra info but i've crossposted plos on [lj](http://baeqspace.livejournal.com/) and [ wattpad ](http://www.wattpad.com/myworks/39470015-put-life-on-shuffle) (lj is up to speed but wattpad is still updating slowly) so check it out if you want!!!!!!
> 
> ~might change writing style next chapter~


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